Right. So it's Friday, and I could go into a completely blasphemous post about the Pope, and making bad and inappropriate jokes about altar boys and celibacy, but I'm just going to keep it down to a low roar. I mean, I have a cousin who's a priest and who met John Paul II, so I have to keep at least some sentiment of righteousness or something.
So betUS has odds up on who will take over for Pope Benedict when he finally goes to meet Jesus again.
Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga of Honduras and Cristoph Von Schoenborn of Austria are both at +700, and Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina is at +900, but the frontrunner is Angelo Scola, who is the Patriarch of Venice, and he's the favorite at +600. I'm thinking he's the favorite because those Italians, they like to keep it in the family, you know?
I wanted to post the Pope sketch from the old MTV sketch show "The State" just for kicks, but I could only find Barry and Levon, which is even more classic, I think. Get your ass in that puddin'!
I know, the new Indy movie sucks. I haven't even seen it yet, and I know that for sure. But it made money, and it probably will for a couple more weeks. I'll probably throw some money at it myself soon. It just makes me feel super dirty to help pay for The Beef's movie career, but the kid is young and taking over a George Lucas franchise, so you know he's going to need it now that his soul is totally sold.
betUS has the odds on whether the next Indiana Jones movie will be released before May 22nd, 2010, and the odds are unfortunately looking positive for that happening. Yes is at -300 and No is at +200, so get ready for some more Motha-effin' Beef with a whip and a leather jacket in the next decade. Hawtness.
And I'm not just saying that because he's a d-bag most of the time. In fact, the famous chef seems like a pretty nice bloke when he's not on camera. But just in a fit of uncontrollable rage, a good stab by accident might help with the ratings on Hell's Kitchen. You never know, Fox might be dumb enough to do it.
Bodog has the odds on whether someone will be taken away in an ambulance on Hell's Kitchen this season, and it's not looking likely, but you never know. Yes is at +400 and No is at -700.
Although John McCain slammed Barack Obama this weekend over Iraq, inviting Obama to visit that country with him so he could teach him about the war, it doesn't seem to have fazed the odds one bit. With all the press surrounding Hilary Clinton's fight to stay in the running, and all the calls asking her to drop out of the race, her odds have dropped severely over the past month.
betUS has Hillary at +1000, John McCain at +140, and Barack Obama is still the favorite at -175. The pundits still have it as a close race between Obama and McCain, but the odds already have their favorite, and he looks to be pretty strong.
So I love how Angelina Jolie is getting huger with these twins and yet her arms are all skinny and veiny and gross. And I still maintain there's something up with Brad's face. But whatever. You know they're just going to pop out more poster children for the Aryan nation. In France.
Bodog has the odds on which child will weigh more when they finally pop. The 1st Child Delivered is at -130 The 2nd Child Delivered is at -110. Usually the first child is the heavier one, right? That's usually the case. But you never know with Angelina. She might be giving birth to a gigantic squid or something.
Listen, when you have a show with Donna Summer (Donnah Summah!), George Michael, Seal, and Bryan effing Adams, you know it's 2 hours for the ages. Plus jokes about Davids all night, Chikezie!, David Hernandez whispering "naked," and Amanda Overmeyer's complete lack of enthusiasm? Holy crap my head was about to asplode with joy.
Anyway.
So here's how it all broke down if you had bet this season on AI, and had either one of the Davids as your pick: Archie was the favorite up until about the final 6, and then Cook was just about even with him.
At the final 13, Cook was at a whopping 35/1, meaning that if you had bet the max $50 on him that opening week, you would've had a sweet $1750 payout while he was singing "Time Of Your Life" and giving Archie noogies last night.
Of course, I have to post "Father Figure" from last night. Best moment of the entire season (at least for pure entertainment value):
By the way, I love how in this picture Archie looks like he's gonna really enjoy getting is ass kicked by the absolutely willing Cook. The hair gel is flying, meow.
Okay, so last night. Look, you can either look at it as the battle between innocence and experience. Randy said Archie was what Idol was all about, but what does that mean? Just being able to stand there and sing well, maybe have one good interpretation of a song, and jam that down our throats at the end of the season? Or is it trying to make the most out of the bad songs that are written for you to sing?
The odds were on Cook, but Simon with all his, like, "David Archuleta is the Master of the Universe because his dad will have my throat cut of I don't say that" schtick may just have tipped the final 25% of that voting scale. But whatever. If Archie wins, it just means that Cook's album is gonna sell better. Actually, Castro's probably going to outsell both of them with his Ukelele of Death.
Look, I know it's for the ratings, but come on people. I had to post a picture of Jason almost touching his junk just to get that image of Kristi and Bruno on the front page of Yahoo out of my head. But it's also kind of trainwrecky in that you really can't look away, can you? God help us all. Not that Kristi really needed to go that route, since she's probably going to win tonight. At least, that would seem like the right thing to do, America. Seriously.
And yes, it's the Epic Battle Of Davids tonight on American Idol and both Bodog and betUS have my pretend boyfriend as the favorite to win. Just do me a favor, and don't do anything stupid, okay Cook? 'Cause I'll cut somebody if I have to. IF I HAVE TO.
And by that, I mean both Dancing With The Stars and American Idol are finally both ending their fantastic fantasticness this week just in time for it to hit almost 110 degrees here in Vegas. Think I'm kidding? It's just barely after midday and it's already 102 degrees, people. We could go with the hot sun/hot odds angle, but really, it's already summer weather and we just don't have the energy.
Tonight, though, it's basically Kristi vs. The Collective Hotness of Cristián de la Fuente and Jason Taylor, which sounds like it would be lights out for our little gold medalist, but I'm thinking she might be able to pull all of Marissa's votes from last week and take care of business. Say all you want about Little Latin Michael Jackson, I do think he'll outdo Jason, but I don't think he can take Kristi. She's too cute not to. A couple more days for the guide, and then it's hasta la see ya. We'll be all about American Idol tomorrow, that's for sure.
Right now, they're in the middle of filming the new James Bond flick, Quantum of Solace, and always when a new flick comes out the question is who's going to sing the theme to the movie. This time around, apparently they were thinking about Amy Winehouse. You know, I like her voice, but she's so effed up that trying to get her to do anything besides pine for her jailed husband and take a bunch of drugs is really a fruitless exercise.
But Bodog has the odds on whether Amy's going to actually pull through and sing the theme. And with Yes at +200 and No at -300, she probably won't. But we can all dream of a James Bond video with Amy's coke boogers all up in your grill.
I think Simon said it best at Fantasia's performance on Wednesday night.
Syesha takes a hike to get ready for the AI tour, and my pretend boyfriend will win
So, the American Idol tour is coming to Vegas this summer, and I'm halfway tempted to get a ticket. Just so I can stalk my pretend boyfriend on the right here. I'm pretty sure he's going to win next week, the guide suggests he's going to win, and well, you know, I can lift my ban on making out with musicians just this once. I'm. Just. Saying. Even if he did sing Switchfoot on Tuesday night, I think I can forgive him.
Dancing With The Stars also ends next week, and it seems like Kristi's taking it over, making her the second woman to ever win the whole thing, and I say good for her. Don't let the hottest two men to ever grace the DWTS stage take away your God-given talent for basically skating without skates, girl! Get that disco ball trophy and work it out!
And, yeah, yeah, we know Brangelina's having twins. Woo. Bodog thinks that the first child she delivers will weigh more than the second at -130. Keep on poppin' those perfect little babies out, Angie.
Syesha looked hawt for someone about to be kicked off
She really was looking good last night, I have to say. But I loved how during her first talk with Seacrest she was all like, "I'm just letting go and having fun," meaning "My ass is going home tomorrow so I'm gonna look good and sing well doing it." And I say good for her. I was pretty sure she was going to make it this far in the betting guide, but I think America will collectively drop a brick if a David goes home tonight.
Listen, I don't feel bad for Marissa on Dancing With The Stars. She's cute and all, but she's just not, you know, the other three people left. The betting guide has a certain Olympic gold medalist as the favorite right now.
Will Syesha mess up on purpose tonight? It's like AI is just another version of Pulp Fiction where the producers are Marcellus Wallace and Syesha is Bruce Willis's character Butch and they're telling her to throw the fight... or else. But this time, she can't just sneak out the back door with the money and take the hog out to Mexico with her French boyfriend.
Yeah, so that dragged out a little too long.
It'll be a battle of the Davids next week. Tonight, though, we'll see how little Archuleta does without his Dad whipping coaching him on what to sing. Considering they are singing three songs and one of them is a song they themselves choose, it's almost too obvious who's the favorite. But I might be biased, because Cook has somehow lost that second chin, and it actually made him more attractive. The betting guide says one David has an advantage over the other.
Dear America,
Please, please, please tell me you didn't vote for Cristi´n. But you probably did because you have a soft spot for hot Latin dudes, even though Jason Taylor was hot enough not to hurt himself for sympathy votes. Do us all a favor and just send him home next week and make him feel the heat from the discoball trophy like Marie did.
Even though Marissa has the lowest odds to win (check the betting guide for more details), something tells me our little Chilean hotness might not be able to sustain this week. Trust me, it's been that kind of show this season. If Marie Osmond can get to the final three, I'm pretty sure Marissa can be cute enough to scrape up the sympathy vote.
Then again, nobody really thought Helio was going to win last season, and look what happened. His little dimpled face took it from Scary Spice, who was clearly the dominating force. America, where are your priorities?
Listen, I love Indiana Jones as much as the next 80's kid, but by the 4th movie, I think he should either be heading into retirement or, like, dead at the end of it. Don't get me wrong, I still think Harrison Ford is still the hotness, even if he's old as a mug. But the guy can't keep working this character because it's the only successful thing he's ever going to do ever again.
Bodog has the odds on whether or not Indy's going to kick the bucket in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. With Yes at +500 and No at -900, it's not looking likely, but you never know. Lucas and Spielberg might just come around to it.
For your weekend, here's the creepiest scene from The Last Crusade, the "He chose poorly" scene.
Well, Jocelyn's not quite inconsolable, but it's been a down day in the office today.
But if you really think about it, it was pretty much set up since Brooke went home last week: one girl left, and The Davids are in a catfight for first place, and he conveniently mumbles the lyrics, giving America the reason not to vote for him (or for the producers to kick him off). A sad state of affairs all around, people. The betting guide is updated, and Syesha's got crosshairs on her forehead.
And a quick note on the politics front: the rumor today is that Obama's going to declare victory on May 20 in regards to the Democratic nomination, and betUS has him at -800, people. That would mean in order to make any money on him clinching the nomination, you'd have to bet $800 to see anything. Seriously. That's $200 more than my stimulus check, y'all.
I just felt like I was in a bad Disney film when he danced. Maybe it was something about his hokey smile that I just couldn't get past. Maybe it was because he's not very good at ballroom dancing, even if he's got rhythm. And Karina couldn't help him be hotter. At the same time, I know you're thinking, "How is is it that an injury and the last really awkward celebrity left can make it further than Mario?" I'm not sure myself, but it makes me wish that Marissa would win. Just because. The betting guide is updated!
And... Jason Castro. Nice coincidence with mumbling through the song last night, dude. That, and the fact that the producers have to keep Syesha in because she's the last girl have pretty much made it nigh impossible for you to stay on the show. I heard Jack Johnson needs a backup singer.
We've got two big movies coming out this month, and they're both sequels. One is about a dreamworld of magic gone wrong, and the other is about Indiana Jones. Bodog wonders who's going to make more money their opening weekend, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian at +200 or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at -300.
I mean, it's pretty obvious that Indy's going to be the champ in this one. Anyone who grew up watching the flicks is probably going to see it. And it might actually be pretty good, considering all the original folks are involved. At least we hope-- I mean, George Lucas didn't exactly reinvent the Star Wars wheel, and Steven Spielberg has been up and down the past few years (War Of The Worlds? Are you serious?)
But just because it's time for more Narnia, here's some Lazy Sunday for you.
I'm pretty sure Justin wouldn't be that stupid, 'cause we already know Britney would jump at the chance to get back with him. Besides, Justin's already got the hot ass of Jessica Biel right now, so why would he want to go the crazy route?
Bodog has the odds on whether 2008 will be the comeback year for Brit and Justin's relationship.
With Yes at +425 and No at -800, it's a pretty safe bet it won't happen. Unless someone spills something into Justin's Gatorade and he decides this is a good idea. While funny, and probably awesome to watch, it won't happen. And thank God for that.
Did Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon get married? Did they not get married? Do you really care?
What if it was a shotgun wedding? Bodog has the odds on whether these two little lovebirds have a little bun in the oven. Yes is EVEN and No is at -140. It's leaning toward a Yes, and with even money you won't be getting that cocktail cash for your pre-Cinco De Mayo celebrations this weekend. Crap.
You knew it was coming, like, a month ago. Actually, with the way AI looks more and more contrived every week, you could've guessed it just because Natasha Beddingfield was the the guest singer this week. (Blonde takes out blonde. Yes, a bad Bob Dylan reference. I'm sorry.)
It's not like Brooke's not going to have a nice, long career being a singer whose songs will appear in commercials for cars or in commercials for sitcoms about single girls.
4 left, and the little girls are taking over the vote. Syesha better watch her cute little back.
Right. So it's Friday, and I could go into a completely blasphemous post about the Pope, and making bad and inappropriate jokes about altar boys and celibacy, but I'm just going to keep it down to a low roar. I mean, I have a cousin who's a priest and who met John Paul II, so I have to keep at least some sentiment of righteousness or something.
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Listen, when you have a show with Donna Summer (Donnah Summah!), George Michael, Seal, and Bryan effing Adams, you know it's 2 hours for the ages. Plus jokes about Davids all night, Chikezie!, David Hernandez whispering "naked," and Amanda Overmeyer's complete lack of enthusiasm? Holy crap my head was about to asplode with joy.
By the way, I love how in this picture Archie looks like he's gonna really enjoy getting is ass kicked by the absolutely willing Cook. The hair gel is flying, meow.
Look, I know it's for the ratings, but come on people. I had to post a picture of Jason almost touching his junk just to get that image of Kristi and Bruno on the front page of Yahoo out of my head. But it's also kind of trainwrecky in that you really can't look away, can you? God help us all. Not that Kristi really needed to go that route, since she's probably going to win tonight. At least, that would seem like the right thing to do, America. Seriously.
So, the American Idol tour is coming to Vegas this summer, and I'm halfway tempted to get a ticket. Just so I can stalk my pretend boyfriend on the right here. I'm pretty sure he's going to win next week, 
She really was looking good last night, I have to say. But I loved how during her first talk with Seacrest she was all like, "I'm just letting go and having fun," meaning "My ass is going home tomorrow so I'm gonna look good and sing well doing it." And I say good for her. I was pretty sure she was going to make it this far 
